5 Rock Radio Classics That Actually Suck

[Lester]

"Like so many before me, I was raised on classic rock radio. Every 4th of July, my local N.Y. station would do its Firecracker 500, playing a listener-voted countdown of the "best" classic rock songs of all-time. It was always the same tunes in a slightly different order with "Stairway to Heaven," "Layla" and "Freebird" consistently in the top 10. They were classics before I was born, and a hundred years from now, our cybertronic descendants will still be downloading them anally while they fight the Robot Wars. But classic rock radio also embraced hundreds of other songs that I accepted as classics simply because they were always there. But for each of the songs on this list below, there came a day when I said, "Hey, wait a second, this is a terrible song. You lied to me classic rock radio!"

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-rock-radi ... ually-suck

[Jay Nunley]

Sheeut. I can name 30 worse songs that I had to play constantly just off the top of my head, but he isn't wrong about those 5.

[Scott Reppert]

Could listen to "L.A. Woman" all day long.

"Come Sail Away" will always hold a special place in my musical heart.

"Smoke On The Water" is (a). Brilliant and (b). Overplayed. Problem here is that "Woman From Tokyo" and lesser Deep Purple songs do NOT get played.

Sure, "Wild World" would suck on a CR format. It's a "Classic Hit"/"Oldie" and not a Classic Rock song.

"Living On The Edge" is NOT A CLASSIC ROCK SONG. As a matter of fact, I have never even heard it.

As Jay said, there's FAR worse than this...

[genlock]

Still trying to figure out how Nunley played the records "just off the top of his head".

[Tom Taggart]

Great sense of balance and a good anti-skate tonearm.....

[Dave Harman]

Bet he had a helluva time doing a segue.

[CoolBreeze]

While not on the list (thank God) anything by Jim Croce should have been banned from the airways a long time ago. Add to that ANY singer who broke up from his band and started "fresh". For instance: "Commodores"... great!.... Lionel Richie? Putrid.

[Scott Reppert]

"Commodores"... great!.... Lionel Richie? Putrid.

Ya nailed that one on the head...

[AmpedNow]

At the risk of sounding like a douche for pointing this out, I love reading these subjective articles when some hipster deems his musical tastes cool enough to condemn certain songs and bands to infinite suckdom.

"L.A. Woman" is overplayed. After the "Mr. Mojo Risin" part starts when the song slows down, it feels like it's never going to end... That song could be 3 minutes long and we wouldn't miss very much.

"Smoke on the Water" puts me in a mind-numbed trance for some reason. As Phish pointed out one time, Smoke on the Water and Cat Scratch Fever are actually the same song.

"Livin' On the Edge" is definitely one of Aerosmith's weaker songs. Even the ballads "Cryin'" and "Amazing" off the same album are much better. Of course, the Alicia Silverstone videos might have skewed my perception of them. BTW, this album is almost 20 years old. I don't know how much older it can get before it's considered Classic Rock...

I have no opinion on "Wild World". It's just always been there... Part of the background. Anybody remember the Mr. Big remake in the early 90's? I don't either.

"Come Sail Away" really sucks. One of Styx's worse songs, but it's suckdom was topped by "Show Me the Way".

Jethro Tull: I always loved the demented sound of "Locomotive Breath". "Aqualung" is kinda meh.

Kiss: "Rock & Roll All Nite" is pretty gimmicky, but they had some good songs. Strutter and Detroit Rock City are good. I guess he forgot about "Forever" which was actually wrote by Michael Bolton...

[Jay Nunley]

At the risk of sounding like a douche for pointing this out, I love reading these subjective articles when some hipster deems his musical tastes cool enough to condemn certain songs and bands to infinite suckdom.

There is a difference between douche and truth. In this case it's truth.

[The-Hammer]

5 More Rock Radio Classics That Actually Suck

I completely agree with number 2 and add all other songs by that artist. Seems like every song sounds like they wrote twice as many lyrics as they had music for so the lyrics sound massively rushed compared to the music.

[Scott Reppert]

5 More Rock Radio Classics That Actually Suck

Well, that second batch was was 1000 times worse than the first. Granted, I did like "Start Me Up" and "Glory Days" the first 11 times out of the 20,215 I have heard them...

[Jay Nunley]

Alright, if we’re going to do this I say we do it right.

Everybody do a list of classic rock songs that really suck ass.



Here are the rules…

In honor of the real rock spirit there will be no rules.

Make up your own criteria.


After we beat this dead Sarah Jessica Parker we’ll do another thread with lists of classic rock songs that should be played more often on classic rock radio. In other words, titles that go largely underplayed or not played at all, but should be in a regular rotation (at least a tertiary “oh wow”).

As always, this is subjective so, don’t start getting up in each other’s asses when someone says something you love sucks.



Here are my criteria…


I will only do 50(ish) songs. There are exactly 203 titles that suck and get the shit played out of them, but I ain’t typin’ or copy/pasting all of that.
The song must truly suck ass. It must not have one single redeeming quality. There are lots of songs that suck, but may have a single redeeming quality.

It has to be a song that is actually overplayed on rock radio (not songs that are just perceived to be played too much). This does not account for current playlist trends on classic rock formatted stations. This accounts for the last 20 years of rock radio in general. Just because few rock stations play The Beatles these days doesn’t mean I didn’t have to play or hear “Hey Jude” 3,200 times (rough but fairly accurate estimate).


Also, let’s remember that there are far more than 203 songs that totally suck ass. There are only 203 that fit the criteria of getting the shit played out of them.


There will be bands listed with “All Titles”. This doesn’t mean every song by that band sucks ass. It means the ones that get the shit played out of them suck ass. A good example is Fleetwood Mac. They have one song that doesn’t suck ass. “World Turning” is great, but it doesn’t get the shit played out of it.


This does not include abominations like Nickelback and Creed. That’s a whole separate discussion.




These are in particular order, worst first.

Head East Never Been Any Reason
Van Halen (Oh) Pretty Woman
Van Halen Dancin’ In The Streets

Beatles All Titles except for “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”
***Includes all solo efforts and other bands.

REO Speedwagon All Titles
Meat Loaf All Titles
Bachman Turner Overdrive All Titles
Chicago All Titles
The Clash All Titles
Doobie Brothers All Titles
Supertramp All Titles except “Bloody Well Right”
Steely Dan All Titles
Fleetwood Mac All Titles
U2 All Titles except “New Year’s Day”
Pink Floyd All Titles except “Time” and “Money”
Aerosmith All Titles post “Rocks”
Queen Bohemian Rhapsody
George Thorogood All Titles
Yes All Titles
ELO All Titles
Police All Titles
Styx All Titles except “Renegade”
Bob Seger Old Time Rock N Roll
David Bowie All Titles
Peter Frampton Baby I Love Your Way
Van Halen Right Now
Bob Dylan All Titles except “Hurricane”
Eagles Desperado
Nirvana All Titles
Neil Young My My Hey Hey (Out of The Blue)
Janis Joplin All Titles
Grand Funk Railroad We’re An American Band
Boston All Titles
Elton John All Titles
Jethro Tull All Titles
Led Zeppelin D’yer Maker
Bruce Springsteen Born To Run
ZZ Top All Titles post “Deguello”

[Scott Reppert]

First off, Jay, let's see where we are absolutely in agreement:

Steely Dan All Titles
Police All Titles
Grand Funk Railroad We’re An American Band
Meat Loaf All Titles
Chicago All Titles
Doobie Brothers All Titles
Boston All Titles
George Thorogood All Titles
Queen Bohemian Rhapsody
Peter Frampton Baby I Love Your Way
Van Halen Right Now
Eagles Desperado
Nirvana All Titles
Neil Young My My Hey Hey (Out of The Blue)
Bob Seger Old Time Rock N Roll
ZZ Top All Titles post “Deguello”

Dat was a preety nice list you got there...

Van Halen--(Oh) Pretty Woman
Van Halen--Dancin’ In The Streets

ALL Van Halen is basically pure dreck. Maybe aside from the song "5150"...

Okay, now let's see where we differ...from a tad to the ends of the Earth...

Head East--Never Been Any Reason

Been listening to rock and roll since 12/63. On the air since 06/78. For whatever circumstances, I had NEVER heard this song until 2002. I find it absolutely amazing! Did not know who it was until I got home and searched it out. Turns out that me and the co-lead singer (John Schlitt) have done a few gigs together.

Beatles--All Titles

You're just hatin' there...

Beatles except “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”

Possibly one of their worst songs...

Pink Floyd All Titles except "Fat Old Sun", "Pigs", "The Nile Song"
REO Speedwagon All Titles (love the "Nine Lives" album which you NEVER hear a cut from
Bachman Turner Overdrive All Titles (I like "Hey You")
Supertramp All Titles except “Bloody Well Right”...and I'll throw in "Lady" from "Crisis? What Crisis?"
Fleetwood Mac All Titles except "Eyes Of The World"...blistering guitar...
U2 All Titles except “I Will Follow"
Aerosmith All Titles post “Rocks” except "My Fist, Your Face", "Chip Away The Stone", "Draw The Line" and "No Surprize"
Bruce Springsteen Born To Run...sure it's overplayed, but it doesn't suck...

I think those artists you listed right there have too many tracks that are overplayed. I mean with Pink Floyd, you can drop "Mother" in every third time that any of the overplayed tracks from "The Wall" come up and look like a genius for doing so...

Yes All Titles
ELO All Titles
Styx All Titles except “Renegade”
David Bowie All Titles
Bob Dylan All Titles except “Hurricane”
Janis Joplin All Titles
Elton John All Titles
Jethro Tull All Titles
Led Zeppelin D’yer Maker

Jay. Jay. Jay. I thought I knew you...

The Clash All Titles

There ain't enough bug-eyed "shocked" smileys to put in here...

[Lester]

5 More Rock Radio Classics That Actually Suck
http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-more-rock ... ually-suck

[CoolBreeze]

Alright, if we’re going to do this I say we do it right. ”

Ok then, I'm taking the road less traveled

[cgarison]

Nunley just wiped half my iPod collection as being crap.

[Jay Nunley]

Beatles--All Titles

You're just hatin' there...

Nope. They have three of four titles I think are great, but they didn't get much airplay.

I mean with Pink Floyd, you can drop "Mother" in every third time that any of the overplayed tracks from "The Wall" come up and look like a genius for doing so...

Thanks! I knew I was a genius PD. I just couldn't convince most of my employers of that until I left their company and their ratings and revenue tanked.

Alright, if we’re going to do this I say we do it right. ”

Ok then, I'm taking the road less traveled

Ha!

[Paul E. Fox, II]

Wow...

I'm surprised at most of Jay's list. I thought he liked rock music.

I respectfully disagree with most of that list but that's OK. I'm a TV Guy and as we all know, our opinions count for very little...

[Jay Nunley]

Wow...

I'm surprised at most of Jay's list. I thought he liked rock music.

I respectfully disagree with most of that list but that's OK. I'm a TV Guy and as we all know, our opinions count for very little...

Pauley Pauley Pauley, you know I love rock. I just think those particular songs suck ass. Most TV guys' opinions don't count, but you are one of the few exceptions as you are rock radio guy at heart and you're not a douche.


Since, no one is taking the bait on doing their own list I will move on to the second part of my challenge.


Here’s my list of songs that should get played more often (or at all).

Again, there are no rules. Make up your own criteria.

Here’s mine. My criteria is more about limiting the number of songs than anything else. Without these filters the song list would be in the thousands.




The song must be one or more of the following…

Bad Ass

Awesome

Genius


Bad ass, awesome, and genius are three different things, but are all rare and exceptional qualities.



Examples (just to help dial in your processing)...

AC/DC’s “Whole Lotta Rosie” is bad ass. It is not awesome nor genius.

Bob Seger’s “Fire Lake” is awesome. It is not bad ass nor genius.

Alice In Chain’s “Nutshell” is genius. It is not bad ass nor awesome.

There are few songs that are two of the three.

There are even fewer songs that have all three designations.

AC/DC’s “Ride On” is bad ass, awesome, and genius.


The song must have been played at least a little on rock radio between 1988-2009. I could list hundreds of songs that are either bad ass, awesome, or genius that have never been played on rock radio in any significant amount or at all.

However, the song must not have been played at even secondary gold levels.



Here’s my list in no particular order (quasi-alphabetical, maybe it’s just the order in which I think of them)…

AC/DC Let Me Put My Love Into You
AC/DC Ride On
AC/DC “Givin’ (Given) The Dog A Bone
AC/DC Gone Shootin’
AC/DC Let’s Get It Up
AC/DC What Do You Do For Money Honey
AC/DC If You Want Blood (You Got It)
AC/DC Live Wire
AC/DC Whole Lotta Rosie
Alice In Chains It Ain’t Like That
Alice In Chains Nutshell
Black Crowes Thorn In My Pride
Black Crowes Bad Luck Blue Eyes Goodbye
Black Sabbath Faeries Wear Boots
Bob Seger Fire Lake
Bruce Springsteen The Ghost of Tom Joad
Clutch What Would A Wookie Do?
Corrosion of Conformity Albatross
Eagles Victim of Love
The Who The Seeker
Soundgarden Rusty Cage
Smithereens Blood and Roses
Robin Trower Bridge of Sighs
Robin Trower Too Rolling Stoned
Robin Trower Day of The Eagle
Robin Trower The Fool and Me
Led Zeppelin In My Time of Dying
Led Zeppelin Since I’ve Been Loving You
Led Zeppelin Four Sticks
Screamin’ Cheetah Wheelies Shakin’ The Blues
North Mississippi Allstars Shake ‘em On Down
Metallica Bleeding Me
Rage Against The Machine Calm Like A Bomb
Fleetwood Mac World Turning
Blind Faith Had To Cry Today
Van Halen Take Your Whiskey Home

I’m sure I will think of more, but this is a good start.