Pandemic Alert Level is a 4, I Say Again 4.
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Dave Allen
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Re: Pandemic Alert Level is a 4, I Say Again 4.
What's with the spit cup? Erin doesn''t spit...she's a swallower.
Titties and beer...thank God almighty for titties and beer!
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cgarison
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Re: Pandemic Alert Level is a 4, I Say Again 4.
I just heard that we are swabbing down a cubical of a co-worker (upstairs) that got back from Mexico last week and is now ill with flu like symptoms.
Great. Now I will die from swine flu.
Great. Now I will die from swine flu.
The first step in a successful revolution is to defeat all competing revolutionaries.
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AmpedNow
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Re: Pandemic Alert Level is a 4, I Say Again 4.
Still hasn't been confirmed in WV, even though it's in all of the bordering states.
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genlock
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Re: Pandemic Alert Level is a 4, I Say Again 4.
Can't even get the swine flu to come to WV without offering it a full scholarship and an e-Mba degree.
"Everyone Should be aware that you're just a screen grab away from infamy."
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Big Media
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Re: Pandemic Alert Level is a 4, I Say Again 4.
May 2009
Media begins to panic that swine flu might not be global pandemic
LONDON. As billions of people continue to remain healthy, media organizations say they have grave concerns that the current outbreak of swine flu might not evolve into a global pandemic. "This is a doomsday scenario for us," said a media spokesman. "We've invested hundreds of millions in pandemic scare-mongering, and we really need this one to pay off."
Speaking to themselves this morning, media stables confirmed that they were now bracing for a catastrophic non-pandemic, as reports continue to flood in of areas unaffected by swine flue.
"It's worse than anything we imagined," said spokesman Heinrich Shank. "They assured us this thing would kill millions within days. Apocalyptic horror, they said. People bleeding out of their eyes in every city on the planet.
"And now you wake up to read this kind of stuff. Four kids coughing in Hong Kong and two blokes who feel a bit sweaty getting off a plane in Brazil.
"It's really disturbing, and a lot of people in the industry are pretty frightened at this point."
He said the media had had its entire pandemic strategy mapped out, with many networks already bidding against each other for any potential CCTV footage of stampeding mobs or close-up soft-focus shots of toddlers bubbling from their noses, while Josh Groban had been commissioned by CNN to write and perform a signature dirge to be used as the soundtrack for all mass funerals broadcast live by the network.
However, Shank said, the shocking and rapid spread of good health around the planet had forced the industry to scramble for survival.
"We don't see a way out," he explained. "The credit crunch just isn't selling papers any more. The public doesn't understand economics, and frankly falling property prices are so 2008. We needed swine flu to go Biblical. We needed the Four Pig Farmers of the Apocalypse. We needed bleeding eyeballs."
He said that many journalists now faced a "dark future" and would be forced to start writing their own stories instead of publishing press releases from estate agents explaining why the collapse of property prices was an optical illusion.
However, he said the media would remain proactive, and urged Mexican pig farmers to indulge in more high-risk contact with their pigs, "just in case one of them hits the viral jackpot".
He declined to elaborate.
Meanwhile the South African media has echoed Shank's sentiments, saying that glossy Pam Golding supplements had propped up most media stables until now, but that they too had desperately needed swine flu to "get bubonic on our ass".
"Unless Jacob Zuma gets swine flu and explodes all over the podium during the Inauguration, we're looking at absolute carnage in the industry," said an insider.
"All those healthy people…it's so unbelievably sad."
http://www.hayibo.co.za/articles/view/1031
Media begins to panic that swine flu might not be global pandemic
LONDON. As billions of people continue to remain healthy, media organizations say they have grave concerns that the current outbreak of swine flu might not evolve into a global pandemic. "This is a doomsday scenario for us," said a media spokesman. "We've invested hundreds of millions in pandemic scare-mongering, and we really need this one to pay off."
Speaking to themselves this morning, media stables confirmed that they were now bracing for a catastrophic non-pandemic, as reports continue to flood in of areas unaffected by swine flue.
"It's worse than anything we imagined," said spokesman Heinrich Shank. "They assured us this thing would kill millions within days. Apocalyptic horror, they said. People bleeding out of their eyes in every city on the planet.
"And now you wake up to read this kind of stuff. Four kids coughing in Hong Kong and two blokes who feel a bit sweaty getting off a plane in Brazil.
"It's really disturbing, and a lot of people in the industry are pretty frightened at this point."
He said the media had had its entire pandemic strategy mapped out, with many networks already bidding against each other for any potential CCTV footage of stampeding mobs or close-up soft-focus shots of toddlers bubbling from their noses, while Josh Groban had been commissioned by CNN to write and perform a signature dirge to be used as the soundtrack for all mass funerals broadcast live by the network.
However, Shank said, the shocking and rapid spread of good health around the planet had forced the industry to scramble for survival.
"We don't see a way out," he explained. "The credit crunch just isn't selling papers any more. The public doesn't understand economics, and frankly falling property prices are so 2008. We needed swine flu to go Biblical. We needed the Four Pig Farmers of the Apocalypse. We needed bleeding eyeballs."
He said that many journalists now faced a "dark future" and would be forced to start writing their own stories instead of publishing press releases from estate agents explaining why the collapse of property prices was an optical illusion.
However, he said the media would remain proactive, and urged Mexican pig farmers to indulge in more high-risk contact with their pigs, "just in case one of them hits the viral jackpot".
He declined to elaborate.
Meanwhile the South African media has echoed Shank's sentiments, saying that glossy Pam Golding supplements had propped up most media stables until now, but that they too had desperately needed swine flu to "get bubonic on our ass".
"Unless Jacob Zuma gets swine flu and explodes all over the podium during the Inauguration, we're looking at absolute carnage in the industry," said an insider.
"All those healthy people…it's so unbelievably sad."
http://www.hayibo.co.za/articles/view/1031
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Bob Campbell
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Re: Pandemic Alert Level is a 4, I Say Again 4.
That's funny stuff.
Hey, it was just the flu.
Hey, it was just the flu.
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genlock
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Re: Pandemic Alert Level is a 4, I Say Again 4.
The media needs more panic.
They say the flu has mutated and merged with a seasonal flu in Mexico.
The flu has killed as many Americans as Teddy Kennedy's Oldsmobile.
They say the flu has mutated and merged with a seasonal flu in Mexico.
The flu has killed as many Americans as Teddy Kennedy's Oldsmobile.
"Everyone Should be aware that you're just a screen grab away from infamy."
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Bob Campbell
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Re: Pandemic Alert Level is a 4, I Say Again 4.
Flooding in Brazil kills dozens, displaces thousands.
It's raining heavily here right now. It must be.... a Brazilian Flood Pandemic!
It's raining heavily here right now. It must be.... a Brazilian Flood Pandemic!
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cgarison
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Re: Pandemic Alert Level is a 4, I Say Again 4.
Parts of lower Bucks Co. PA were nearly washed off the map last night by a violent Neshaminy Creek. And nobody cared. Even the local media ignored the event.Bob Campbell wrote:Flooding in Brazil kills dozens, displaces thousands.
It's raining heavily here right now. It must be.... a Brazilian Flood Pandemic!
The first step in a successful revolution is to defeat all competing revolutionaries.
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Bob Campbell
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Re: Pandemic Alert Level is a 4, I Say Again 4.
Great story about H1N1 flu in the current Newsweek.