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My girlfriend and I both agreed to discipline our child "old school." Including spankings, groundings, etc. None of this "time out" crap or "Greggors, put it down....1..........2........."
IMHO, it doesn't work. When you have kids shooting up schools, me thinks not enough parenting and way too much "behavioral drugs."
I think the best way to cure ADD and ADHD is a good ol' fashioned smack. Now, I don't mean beating a kid till there's bruises or anything, just till they get the message!
And by the way, what in the hell is the thing with putting kids on leashes?? Are parents too damn lazy to pick up their child anymore??
Okay, I'll bite...have you ever tried to carry a four-year-old kicking and screaming through a mall while keeping an eye on your seven-year-old five feet ahead of you? Bring on the leash. One for each kid. Plus, it should slow down the ol' standby of pulling your kid's arm so hard you hurt them...in public...because you're holding their hand and they want to let go. Anway, as far as ADD, you're just stirring the pot (it was funny). Test kids for allergies. EARLY. How many of us were hyper/crazy/tempermental during childhood only to find out as adults we're allergic to Red # 40 and corn syrup??? That's it.
I'll stick with the old reliable cattle prod. If it was good enough for my parents to use on me, it's good enough for nnnnnnnnnnnn....dammit mom, stop th....nnnnnnnnnnnn
I believe the "old school discipline", as you call it, has a place in raising children, but it shouldn't be the only prescription in the medicine cabinet. When I look at my own two kids, I can see where they have gone in and out of different stages as a part of growing up. At a young age, they don't understand much more than "no" and maybe a smack on the hand or bottom when there is a problem. My oldest is at the age where you can lay down a few rules and explain why they need to be followed. There should always be a consequence to breaking rules, but I think you need to be open minded enough to know your child and know what works. Taking away a bicycle or an XBOX for a few days works wonders, but my oldest is a child who never needed anything overly aggressive in the way of a punishment. The youngest is a different story. He's a hellcat and needs a whole lot more in the way of parental firmness. Having two parents is a godsend, because dealing with a child acting out in some way can be mentally taxing. I think this is where some parents go overboard. Any physical punishment should be a last resort, age appropriate, and never done in anger. Good luck. Being a Dad is the greatest gift and privledge I have ever received.
As the extremely proud father of two daughters, ages 20 and 15, I can attest to one simple point. Make sure you and your significant other are CONSISTENT, and that you're both going in the same direction with discipline. There's a two year old at our church, whom I call 'Hurricane Caleb,' because he blows in and causes havoc whenever he's with his mother, but really minds for his father. Kids learn extremely early how to play both parents, whether both live in the same house or not. My kids didn't need "Sesame Street" or 'the Count,' because when they misbehaved at church, I gave them a two count. At the count of three, they were taken upstairs for a little swat on the keester. They would scream, but upstairs they went. You could see the smirks on the faces of the other adults as you took them out of the sanctuary. However, now we have several young 'uns whose parents keep them in the service, until they make so much noise that even the most clueless take their little darlin's out. It's amazing how otherwise reasonably intelligent adults act so ineptly around their kids. In fact, sometimes they encourage the kids to act out more.
"Television is a medium because anything well done is rare."
~ Fred Allen ~
“Radio is the theater of the mind; television is the theater of the mindless”-Steve Allen
Well, I am going to be open minded to what works. When I say "old school" it means if they run around in the store, at church, or whatever, there will be punishment. I cannot stand when parents just let their kids run amok. We're not going to be THAT strict or punish them if they spill a glass of milk or whatever (make them clean it up...haha). However, I agree with Hoosier in that "old school" does have it's place but in some cases it is necessary and I do know other forms of punishment work, too.
Television will not be the babysitter. TV does offer awesome educational stuff but it's nothing compared to sitting down with a book and explaining to your kid what you are reading/learning.
Plus, if we have a boy, I have an excuse to play with all those awesome toys!
Lee wrote:Television will not be the babysitter. TV does offer awesome educational stuff but it's nothing compared to sitting down with a book and explaining to your kid what you are reading/learning.
You're already on the right track, Lee. The best thing you can ever, ever, ever do for your kids is spend time with them and love them. My boys get a kick out of taking a ride in Dad's old beat up truck in the evening, or go for a $3 breakfast at McDonalds on Saturday morning. We've gone swimming and fishing. I attend every school function I can and volunteer in the classroom when they need someone to help out. I've been known to get down in the floor and help build elaborate Lego skyscrapers and put together train tracks. It ain't about spending money, it's about being with them as much as you can.
Oh yeah, one more parting observation: That whole "I work 100 hours a week kicking ass down at the office but I got to spend a rare 30 minutes last week with my kids before a power golf game with a client last week -- so my kids get 'quality time' with me" is just so bullshit. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR KIDS". IT DOESN'T EXIST. That's a feel-good expression from workaholic parents who view their children as desktop photo ornaments and tax deductions. If you live that lifestyle, one day your kids will be grown and you'll realize you never knew them and they don't know you. Listen to Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle". Chapin had it right. Don't let the rat race run your life. Be there for your kids. They need you.
Watch "Wife Swap" and "Supernanny". They're tough to sit through, but you'll learn a lot. You can always flip it on commercials. And I won't tell. Campbell loves them both. Oops!
The trick to making kids behave is NOT physical punishment. (although that's the end result). The trick is PRESENTATION... otherwise known as intimidation. Take me for instance: I grew up with a single mom. I was never really afraid of her past 7 years of age. I was never REALLY afraid of the physical punishment that she gave me. Although she could do a pretty good job of it, I KNEW she'd never go too far, and that it would never hurt "too much". Then 15 minutes later she'd always feel so bad about it that she'd do something stupid like take me out for ice cream. Single mothers are famous for that, because they feel guilty about you not having a father and they must try to be both a mother AND father. This is very hard to do! So no amount of threats of physical punishment deterred me from doing what I wanted to do. Even when she whipped me hard, it wasn't enough for me to mend my ways. I knew that she was just as upset as I was. ( this is going to hurt ME more than it does you...was really true and I knew it, and thought: well... I'm getting a LITTLE even here anyway)
Now, here's where it gets good: I had an Uncle, Uncle Keith. He had 5 kids. Every one of them called him "Sir" until the day he died. He was a very good father, but DEMANDED respect above everything else. The man never laid a hand on me but threatened to many times. I WAS SCARED AS SHIT OF HIM! I thought he was a good guy. I thought he was fair. But when he told me to jump, I didn't ask "how high?".. I JUMPED! See, it wasn't any physical punishment that he'd given me.... it was the INTIMIDATION FACTOR THAT IF HE DID... HE'D PROBABLY KILL ME! What brought this home to me is when my mother told him that he had permission to dole out any punishment he saw fit, with her blessing. I was never a better kid than when I was anywhere near my Uncle Keith. (then turn right around and give my mom grief because I didn't respect her authority OR her punishment)
When I had a kid, I only had to really actually SPANK her once when she was around 7. After that, all I had to do was LOOK at her and she felt the same same I did around my Uncle Kieth. See, it wasn't the spanking so much that affected her. It was the possibility that I might just KILL her! Hahaha.... (It's all in the presentation... not the physical punishment itself)
To this day, I think my Uncle Keith was one of the finest men I ever knew. He knew what he was up against with 5 kids. And being a WWII Marine, he also knew that intimidation would get him much further than any physical punishment. He loved all his kids and they knew it. But they also knew where the line was at all times....
"I know I've got a lot against me: I'm White, I'm Protestant, I'm hard working. Don't you have an Amendment to protect me"? Archie Bunker
First, unless you are a parent or have been a parent, you have no say in this whatsoever. So shut up.
Second, I have deployed the leash only at Disney World, where it was crowded and my wife and I were both totally convinced that my 2 and 1/2 year-old WOULD get away from us and he would be impossible to quickly locate in the hoard of people at Disney World. It worked well. Once, while at Toontown in the Magic Kingdom, he wasn't wearing his leash and DID get away from his mother and ran and hid because he wanted Doritos instead of popcorn or some shit. Fortunately, he gets a kick out of hiding from Mommy because had he not been laughing hysterically, Mommy would have never found him in the restricted area where he was hiding. It took several nerve racking minutes for him to be found.
By the way, I was off riding Big Thunder Mountain Railroad or something at the time. Guess who got in the most trouble.
He is now 7 and still just a stubborn as he was then. We had tried everything, including the new age "time out", etc. However, we've determined that the best options are consistency and some type of weekly allowance for good behavior.
Big Media wrote:First, unless you are a parent or have been a parent, you have no say in this whatsoever. So shut up.
Simmah down, no need for the attitude.
Big Media wrote:Second, I have deployed the leash only at Disney World, where it was crowded and my wife and I were both totally convinced that my 2 and 1/2 year-old WOULD get away from us and he would be impossible to quickly locate in the hoard of people at Disney World. It worked well. Once, while at Toontown in the Magic Kingdom, he wasn't wearing his leash and DID get away from his mother and ran and hid because he wanted Doritos instead of popcorn or some shit. Fortunately, he gets a kick out of hiding from Mommy because had he not been laughing hysterically, Mommy would have never found him in the restricted area where he was hiding. It took several nerve racking minutes for him to be found.
By the way, I was off riding Big Thunder Mountain Railroad or something at the time. Guess who got in the most trouble.
He is now 7 and still just a stubborn as he was then. We had tried everything, including the new age "time out", etc. However, we've determined that the best options are consistency and some type of weekly allowance for good behavior.
My examples are coming from having ONE kid. Not two, fourteen, or 32 1/4. If I'm walking through the mall and I see two parents with their kid on a leash, that screams laziness to me. Why not pick your child up or hold its hand?
Not directed toward you but the people with the best parenting advice always seems to be nonparents. In your case, you are a newbie... you'll see what I mean in a year or two.
Lee wrote:My examples are coming from having ONE kid. If I'm walking through the mall and I see two parents with their kid on a leash, that screams laziness to me. Why not pick your child up or hold its hand?
Yeah... that's pretty ridiculous. Eventually, you kid reaches an age where it is MUCH EASIER to simply allow them to walk alongside you without holding their hand. It teaches them a little independence while giving them the perception of "freedom".
